Let Your Mind Grow

I loved the path of least resistance.

It made me feel smart. It made me feel accomplished.

Why not? I was getting things done! Checking them off and moving on to the next thing.

I thought people who didn’t were being foolish.

Why work harder than you need to? Or, maybe they weren’t very good at what they were doing, and should move on to something that they were good at. That’s what I did.

I had enough money, and I changed jobs frequently so it kept things interesting.

It worked great for a long time. Until it didn’t.

At some point, I paused long enough to look honestly at my life and take stock of what I had accomplished. I was a well respected worker at my last 10 or so jobs. But, I never stuck around long enough to really be promoted, or accomplish anything of significance.

Having dabbled in numerous hobbies, I had passing familiarity with a variety of things: music, whittling, making chainmail, crochet, gardening, sewing, etc. Along with that knowledge, I also had heaps of projects in various states of development. They were fun, until they got difficult. Then, I found something else that interested me, and gave me a dose of excitement as I dove into something new.

When I was externally motivated, I could do it. I could stick with something and see it through to the end. But, when it came to self-motivation, I gave up once the going got tough. It’s not that I couldn’t persevere, but when it came to things like creative endeavors, or pushing myself to learn different aspects of a job, that’s when I gave in. I felt like if I didn’t already know how to do it, or couldn’t figure it out easily, then that’s the way it was. I knew I was smart- I’d been told that all throughout my youth. The trick with that is, I felt like anything I wasn’t good at meant I wasn’t smart. If I didn’t know something, then that was probably it.

It’s called a fixed mindset.

People with a fixed mindset see things like talents and intelligence as fixed traits. That is, they can’t be changed. They are set when you are born, and cannot be significantly improved or changed.

When I first learned about that, it was like a kick in the chest.

I didn’t even realize that’s how I felt about myself, but all the symptoms were there: Avoidance of challenges, fear of failure, giving up easily.

It was crazy to think that’s how I had been thinking of myself.

I would never tell anybody else that’s how they are. I would never look at my kid and say, “Whelp kid, this is all you’ll ever be. If you don’t know how to do it, just give it up and move on. You’re not good at this hobby? Well quit and find something else you are good at. It doesn’t matter if you like it.” But, that’s what I’d been doing to myself.

I took no pleasure in pushing myself. It was too difficult. Difficult made me feel inadequate.

Maybe this sounds familiar.

Maybe you were gifted at school. Things came easily, and people praised you for how smart you were. You weren’t praised for your ability to push through challenges.

Or, maybe you really struggled at school, and people told you that you’re out of luck- you lost the intelligence lottery and that’s your lot in life. As a result, you accepted that, and didn’t bother to try.

Neither of these guarantees that you’ll develop a fixed mindset. Nor are they the only reasons you would develop one.

Identify a fixed-mindset

A fixed-minded person typically:

• Avoids challenges.
• Gives up easily.
• Is threatened by the success of others.
• Has difficulty with feedback (Sees it at criticism or a personal attack, rather than an opportunity to improve)
• Has difficulty recovering from mistakes/failure.

If you’re saying “Yes, that’s me!” to this list, then you may well have a fixed mindset.

The good news is: nobody’s intelligence or abilities are actually fixed. It’s only our mindset, our perception, that is fixed.

Your mindset is very much unfixed.

I know because I have worked hard to develop a growth mindset.

Characteristics of a growth mindset include:

• Embracing challenges.
• Persistence (pushing through obstancles).
• Being inspired by the success of others.
• Learning from criticism.

It wasn’t easy, especially as an adult with a few decades of operating with a fixed-mindset. But, I put in the work.

I’m still putting in the work, and reminding myself all the time that I can learn and grow. Now, I actually look forward to taking on those challenges I shied away from years ago. Hell, this very article is evidence of that. There having been a dozen times already that the me of 10 years ago would have quit and moved on to something easier.

The self-doubt is real. I was so afraid of failure for so long, that I have to keep reminding myself to embrace the possibility. Maybe this will be a disaster, and maybe not. Either way, I will learn from it, and grow.

If it’s a failure, I’ll know what doesn’t work, and I can focus on improving in that area.

If it’s a success, I’ll know what does work, and I can continue working with that, and improving that area.

The key is to reflect, be resilient, and focus on growing.

The more you do this, the more fun it gets to be, because you see what actually happens when you allow yourself to be challenged. Or, even better, when you challenge yourself.

Allowing yourself to be challenged is great- you get to grow in areas that serve you well in your job, or in society.

When you challenge yourself, you grow in areas that you care about personally. The areas that mean something to you, and that’s a special kind of feeling. It’s quite a feeling of accomplishment when you do that.

How do you develop a growth mindset?

If you have come to the realization that you have a fixed mindset, and you want to develop a growth mindset, I have good news- you can!

One way to start, is by changing the language we use with ourselves:

• “I’m not good at this” becomes “This is difficult, but I can figure out how to do it.”
• “I’m bad at this” becomes “I will need to work to improve.”
• “Mistakes help me grow.”
• “I can’t do this yet.” (“Yet” is one of my favorite words these days when I run into something I don’t know how to do, or can’t do.)

Learn to enjoy the process. Look at smaller pieces of your journey, and take note of your progress.

Imagine it like training to become a weight-lifter. Nobody is born looking like Mr./Miss Universe. Nor does anybody get there by going to the gym once or twice. It takes consistent training. You need to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. There will be growing pains, and setbacks. Instead of praising yourself for your gains, praise yourself for sticking with it, and working hard. THAT is an accomplishment!

The important thing is that you keep going.

Changing the way you think isn’t as easy as flipping a switch. You’re going to have to practice. But it will get easier.

Next time you run into a challenge, change that way you talk to yourself about it.

Know that you can grow and develop, all through your life.

Your journey begins today.