Building A Better You

  Better to Stumble Forward Than to Stand Still My first article took years to write. It’s something I had thought about for a long time. I read books on writing. I watched YouTube videos made my writers. I researched the best things to write about, and the best places to write about them. Where did all that planning and research get me? Nowhere. At the end of it all, I still wasn’t actually writing anything, and therefore, not actually a writer. Maybe I could be called a researcher, or planner, or dreamer, but not a writer. The day I became a writer didn’t come until I was fed up with the way my life was progressing. Looking around, I realized I wasn’t doing the things I really wanted to do. I also realized that nobody was going to come along and say, “Kevin, it’s time to start now.” That was entirely up to me. What was holding me back? This was the question I had to ask myself. There were several answers that came to me: I was afraid of failing. I didn’t feel prepared. I was afra...

 I'm Just Doing My Best “I’m just doing my best.” This is a phrase I find myself throwing around when things get  difficult. Days when I’m struggling to get everything done, when I’m barely hanging on  between work, household chores, and raising a child. When somebody criticizes my work  (or as is more often the case, when I get self-critical) I remind myself that I’m just doing  my  best. I was saying it to myself this morning, somewhere between making my son breakfast, packing his lunch, and making lunch for my wife and I, when I paused and really thought about what I was saying.  Just  my best? If it’s my best, how can it be  just  my best? Isn’t my best what I’m shooting for? It doesn’t always feel like my best though, partly because I tend to be a bit of a perfectionist. My best should be getting it all done, getting it all done right, and getting it all done a little bit better than I did yesterday. What I came to realize, however,...

The Only Thing Holding You Back, Is You It’s easy to fall back into old habits. When I run into difficulties, or obstacles, there’s a big part of me that wants to say, “Well, looks like the end!” I’m not even talking about major obstacles. It can be as simple as not growing as quickly as I thought I would, or wanted to. This is usually the result of me comparing myself to others. Also, setting expectations, which I have generally found to be a trap. Sometimes, it’s not knowing what to write about. I feel like I need to have everything planned out and know what I’m going to say from start to finish. Even though, time and time again I have proven this to be false. I manage to convince myself that all the great writers, all the people I enjoy reading, they have it all figured out and it’s effortless for them. Somehow, I have learned to equate effort with some sort of failure on my part. As in: If I’m actually good at this, it should flow freely and easily. Kinda messed up, huh? I’m certai...

I loved the path of least resistance. It made me feel smart. It made me feel accomplished. Why not? I was getting things done! Checking them off and moving on to the next thing. I thought people who didn’t were being foolish. Why work harder than you need to? Or, maybe they weren’t very good at what they were doing, and should move on to something that they  were  good at. That’s what I did. I had enough money, and I changed jobs frequently so it kept things interesting. It worked great for a long time. Until it didn’t. At some point, I paused long enough to look honestly at my life and take stock of what I had accomplished. I was a well respected worker at my last 10 or so jobs. But, I never stuck around long enough to really be promoted, or accomplish anything of significance. Having dabbled in numerous hobbies, I had passing familiarity with a variety of things: music, whittling, making chainmail, crochet, gardening, sewing, etc. Along with that knowledge, I also had heaps ...

  There is no Shortcut to Greatness. Simple as that.  Think of anybody you consider The Greatest of All Time. They didn’t just wake up one more morning and decide they wanted to be great at something, and it magically happened. Muhammed Ali was a beast in the gym, famously pushing himself as far as he could go. Picasso painted tens of thousands of pieces. Can you say that you've made tens of thousands of attempts at what you want to be great at? Albert Einstein didn’t just wake up one morning, out of the blue, and say, “Hey, I’m going to write up the Theory of Relativity today.” Instead, he did thought experiments, and asked himself new and difficult questions in order to challenge his thinking. Serena Williams is known to be incredibly disciplined with her training, working for 4 hours at a time. And, she didn't put in all that work to get really good, and then coast. She continued to push herself until she was incredible, and then worked some more. Naturally, we can debate a...

  Don't Stop Yourself Before You Start How many times have you talked yourself out of doing something? Or given up before you even started? I know I certainly have. Countless times. In fact, it was a fairly regular occurrence for me. Until I had an epiphany. I was telling myself “No” before even starting.  How dare I limit myself like that? Imagine standing in front of a mirror and telling yourself, “No, don't bother even attempting that. You're not good enough. You won't succeed, so don't try.”  It's absolutely horrible isn't it? When I thought of saying those words out loud to myself, it made me sad. It felt cruel. But, isn't that exactly what you're doing every time you stop yourself from trying something you want to do? When you won’t even let yourself explore the possibility, dip your toe into the waters. What's the difference between the action of stopping yourself short, and saying the words out loud to yourself?  The result is the same. I...

What Is Your Starting Point?   “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” -Chinese Proverb The journey may start with a single step, but, where are we stepping off from, and what are we leaving behind? If you want to get from point A to point B, you’ve got to know where point A is! I suspect I’m not alone in my journey, and certainly not in my starting point. I know there are many of us who feel lost, and without direction. My question for you is: where are you right now? Take stock of your life- the good and the bad. The advantages and disadvantages. Be honest, be real, and be forgiving. Maybe you don’t like where your life is right now. Maybe you’ve made mistakes in the past. We all have, so give yourself some grace. Know that there is a place for you in this world. Remember that even something as simple as being a good friend may not sound like a lot, but it is. There are people who appreciate you more than you realize. If you’re at a real low point in your life,...